][.Brace up for the dawn!.][
hello bloggy!
i am back here once again.
encountered a down night last night when all i could do is cycle for 15mins and walk on the treadmill.
when all i could do is watch my team train and trying my best to keep my mind of the game for that 2hours plus.
it felt so bad and helpless.
it had been officially 2 weeks.
each day is a lesson.
everyday, i find myself working hard to be stronger than yesterday.
and hate all the down moments but you just can't avoid them.
right leg is currently going through muscles atrophy and it's worrying.
and part of the reason for depression and down-ness cause despite all the attempts to keep it in shape, it failed.
after cooling down, i guess perhaps it was the lack of techniques and exercises.
googled and found some pre-surgery exercises that i can do apart from cycling and hydro.
going to try them all.
come on fe!
don't be so weak!
some quotes to push me on..
(1) When the world says "Give up", Hope says "Try just one more time"
(2) In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity.
(3) The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is the power to harm us - Voltaire
(4) You have to have a darkness..for the dawn to come!
it's tiring.
it really is.
but get up and move on!
life is a journey! =]
take gd care every1!
i am trying my best not to be down.
but if i am, just give me some time on my own..i will be ok.
][.10.fe.15.][
][.You gotta be stronger than this.][
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
][.Happy 13th Birthday DiDi!.][
][.Happy 13th Birthday DiDi!.][
Happy 13th birthday my dearest didi!
生日快乐baby bro! =]
thanks for bringing me 13years of happiness!
you taught me that it's amazing to love some1 and see some1 grow.
you brought me countless joy and it's such a nice feel to see you grow.
jiayou didi!
no matter how old you get, you will always be the didi that i wanna watch over.
no matter what challenges come in life, jiayou!
jiejie will always be watching your back! <3
Happy Birthday!
Keep smiling!
fe had regained her sanity.
road to recovery.
a year ahead.
let's go! =]
][.10.fe.15.][
][.keep the smile.][
Happy 13th birthday my dearest didi!
生日快乐baby bro! =]
thanks for bringing me 13years of happiness!
you taught me that it's amazing to love some1 and see some1 grow.
you brought me countless joy and it's such a nice feel to see you grow.
jiayou didi!
no matter how old you get, you will always be the didi that i wanna watch over.
no matter what challenges come in life, jiayou!
jiejie will always be watching your back! <3
Happy Birthday!
Keep smiling!
fe had regained her sanity.
road to recovery.
a year ahead.
let's go! =]
][.10.fe.15.][
][.keep the smile.][
Thursday, September 22, 2011
][.Sane in times of Insanity.][
][.Sane in times of Insanity.][
if i am not wrong, this is the moment that i jumped up and heard the "pop" sound.
this was the moment that drove me to the brim of insanity.
but it's ok.
it's time to face it and move on.
从哪里跌倒，就从哪里站起来。
this is definitely going to be a chapter in my life and in my basketball journey.
because, it's only when you had lost something so dear that you will understand how important and cherish it more.
i am finally gaining back my sanity.
bit by bit.
but definitely.
enough of tears.
enough of sadness.
enough of these.
anymore weaker, i will hate myself.
thanks for keeping me sane in times of insanity.
many had anchored my life during the past week.
Special thanks goes out to..
1) my ever supporting family - daddy and mummy <3
2) moi - for pessimistic talk non-stop and being there with me throughout this whole thing for all the doc and helping me distract. for all these, thanks bro! haha i won't say much coz you won't see and you will heck me anyway! but for everything, thanks bro! =]
3) 5-yr-old - thanks kid! really thanks thanks loads! you really keep me sane in times of insanity! you were there with me to receive the news.i wouldn't know how i will react if you weren't there with me. you know how devastated i was at the moment. you saw the uncontrollable me and sit me down to listen to all the options. (this reminds me of after "A" levels results where you sat me down and helped me with planning) thanks for playing the anchor of my life! =]
you truly understand and showed me the light. you know how pain it is to sit out during the last seasons but you showed me the strength that you used to pull through all these. you found ways for me when i wanted to play so much - cause you know how much pain i am going within that i am going insane. however, you were rational enough to pull me back from the brim of insanity. you taught me to calm down and face it and think. you were the only one that could bring sense to me in times of insanity.
for all these, thanks llz! thanks so so much! thanks for taking my indecisiveness! thanks for everything! <3
4) roomie - thanks roomie! you know how i almost went bonkers these few days. you saw how weak emotionally that i can just cry out all of a sudden. you saw it all and all. thanks loads roomie! i am sorry that i made you worried and if it's me, i know i won't be able to handle. i am sorry that i can't fight the last two seasons with you but i am so proud of you and i will always be here supporting you. the only moment that made me wanna step up and jumped onto the court was when i saw you almost cramping. hang in there alright? help me win these two seasons. we had had enough championship together but can i be selfish and request that you win these two for me too? thanks <3
5) bear - i am so sorry for losing it these few days. i really cannot take it but i will take it from now on. thanks for understanding and giving me time thou i always say you don't und. (that's just because i needed time on my own) no1 can help me out of these apart from myself. =]
6) thanks to my nan da team mates! thanks for taking such good care of me throughout these period. thanks to jieying ahma! thanks for accompanying me to hydro and keeping a look out for me every moment. =]
thanks loads to every1! i had found my sanity bit by bit. i know that there will still be moments where i cannot take it but i know i will take it. that's one thing for sure! coz i mark my words and today's maximum = tears in the eyes but nothing flows more than that. cause 脆弱够了。接下来就要加油了！=]]
take gd care every1!
5-yr-old shared this song with me and it really reflects how i feel this whole week.
I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah, I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of a livin' a lie
I was wishin' that I
Would die
It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't liten to all that righteous talk
I was out on the street,
Just a tryin' to survive
take good care every1!
nitez! =]
i will be back.
][.10.fe.15.][
][.jiayou fe.][
if i am not wrong, this is the moment that i jumped up and heard the "pop" sound.
this was the moment that drove me to the brim of insanity.
but it's ok.
it's time to face it and move on.
从哪里跌倒，就从哪里站起来。
this is definitely going to be a chapter in my life and in my basketball journey.
because, it's only when you had lost something so dear that you will understand how important and cherish it more.
i am finally gaining back my sanity.
bit by bit.
but definitely.
enough of tears.
enough of sadness.
enough of these.
anymore weaker, i will hate myself.
thanks for keeping me sane in times of insanity.
many had anchored my life during the past week.
Special thanks goes out to..
1) my ever supporting family - daddy and mummy <3
2) moi - for pessimistic talk non-stop and being there with me throughout this whole thing for all the doc and helping me distract. for all these, thanks bro! haha i won't say much coz you won't see and you will heck me anyway! but for everything, thanks bro! =]
3) 5-yr-old - thanks kid! really thanks thanks loads! you really keep me sane in times of insanity! you were there with me to receive the news.i wouldn't know how i will react if you weren't there with me. you know how devastated i was at the moment. you saw the uncontrollable me and sit me down to listen to all the options. (this reminds me of after "A" levels results where you sat me down and helped me with planning) thanks for playing the anchor of my life! =]
you truly understand and showed me the light. you know how pain it is to sit out during the last seasons but you showed me the strength that you used to pull through all these. you found ways for me when i wanted to play so much - cause you know how much pain i am going within that i am going insane. however, you were rational enough to pull me back from the brim of insanity. you taught me to calm down and face it and think. you were the only one that could bring sense to me in times of insanity.
for all these, thanks llz! thanks so so much! thanks for taking my indecisiveness! thanks for everything! <3
4) roomie - thanks roomie! you know how i almost went bonkers these few days. you saw how weak emotionally that i can just cry out all of a sudden. you saw it all and all. thanks loads roomie! i am sorry that i made you worried and if it's me, i know i won't be able to handle. i am sorry that i can't fight the last two seasons with you but i am so proud of you and i will always be here supporting you. the only moment that made me wanna step up and jumped onto the court was when i saw you almost cramping. hang in there alright? help me win these two seasons. we had had enough championship together but can i be selfish and request that you win these two for me too? thanks <3
5) bear - i am so sorry for losing it these few days. i really cannot take it but i will take it from now on. thanks for understanding and giving me time thou i always say you don't und. (that's just because i needed time on my own) no1 can help me out of these apart from myself. =]
6) thanks to my nan da team mates! thanks for taking such good care of me throughout these period. thanks to jieying ahma! thanks for accompanying me to hydro and keeping a look out for me every moment. =]
thanks loads to every1! i had found my sanity bit by bit. i know that there will still be moments where i cannot take it but i know i will take it. that's one thing for sure! coz i mark my words and today's maximum = tears in the eyes but nothing flows more than that. cause 脆弱够了。接下来就要加油了！=]]
take gd care every1!
5-yr-old shared this song with me and it really reflects how i feel this whole week.
I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah, I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of a livin' a lie
I was wishin' that I
Would die
It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't liten to all that righteous talk
I was out on the street,
Just a tryin' to survive
take good care every1!
nitez! =]
i will be back.
][.10.fe.15.][
][.jiayou fe.][
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
][.fe, stop it.][
][.fe, stop it.][
this is killing me from within.
every moment of convincing myself.
every moment of crying it all out.
i need to stop crying.
but i just can't.
it hurts so much that nothing apart from tears can express.
nothing.
there's really nothing that can make this pain lessen.
i don't wanna be down.
but i am quite certain i am in e deepest pit one can ever find.
every day, every moment of silence, every single thing that triggers it,
i would wonder why? why now?
why?
why?
why?
歇斯底里的痛哭。
这是第一次，没人能治愈这痛处。
how am i supposed to get through this?
how am i going to?
i feel so sorry towards all that had been here with me.
but this is beyond words.
every one has their own story.
and this story is too pain for me to bear.
i can withstand all the heartbreaks but this is more than that.
this is devastating.
][.10.fe.15.][
][.brace up.][
this is killing me from within.
every moment of convincing myself.
every moment of crying it all out.
i need to stop crying.
but i just can't.
it hurts so much that nothing apart from tears can express.
nothing.
there's really nothing that can make this pain lessen.
i don't wanna be down.
but i am quite certain i am in e deepest pit one can ever find.
every day, every moment of silence, every single thing that triggers it,
i would wonder why? why now?
why?
why?
why?
歇斯底里的痛哭。
这是第一次，没人能治愈这痛处。
how am i supposed to get through this?
how am i going to?
i feel so sorry towards all that had been here with me.
but this is beyond words.
every one has their own story.
and this story is too pain for me to bear.
i can withstand all the heartbreaks but this is more than that.
this is devastating.
][.10.fe.15.][
][.brace up.][
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
][.哭着睡着，哭着醒来.][
][.哭着睡着，哭着醒来.][
哭着睡着，哭着醒来。
哭，似乎成了唯一能减轻我的痛的方法。
但是越哭越痛。
我快哭疯了。
泪流不止。
心碎到极点。
在这样下去，我一定会疯。
我需要找会自己。
找回真正快乐的自己。
][.10.fe.15.][
][.快疯了.][
哭着睡着，哭着醒来。
哭，似乎成了唯一能减轻我的痛的方法。
但是越哭越痛。
我快哭疯了。
泪流不止。
心碎到极点。
在这样下去，我一定会疯。
我需要找会自己。
找回真正快乐的自己。
][.10.fe.15.][
][.快疯了.][
][.14/9/11 - 20/9/11.][
][.14/9/11 - 20/9/11.][
it had been a tough week.
it really had been.
emotional upheavals.
optimism being built up and lost each day.
this is draining.
it's confirmed.
acl complete tear.
i am just thankful that it's only acl and not mcl and meniscus is going to recover on its own.
i am just thankful that through it all, i have my ever supportive family, moi, 5-yr-old, roomie, my ntu team mates, coaches and bear.
i am just thankful that they are here for me.
it's not easy.
it really isn't.
allow myself some down time.
but i don't want to wallow in self-pity.
sadness can and must be overcome.
there must come a day where i must be able to put down the thought that it's ok.
this two seasons don't matter to me thou it means almost everything that i had been working for for the past-i-don't-know-how-long.
knowing that i can't be back for ivp is really a blow.
a big big blow.
dear knee, why?
why now?
i don't wanna ask why me?
i am ready to take all these.
but why? why now?
我很累。
真的很累。
乐观得累了。
坚强得累了。
假装无所谓得累了。
但，我更讨厌自我可怜的自己。
所以我要用最多的力量重新爬起来。
这真是我整个篮球生涯中最痛的一刻。
但，我庆幸在我的生命中，一切仍是美好的。
若我再次脆弱，请原谅我。
给我多点时间。
因为，这次真的跌得很重，很痛。
][.10.fe.15.][
][.哭累了就睡.][
it had been a tough week.
it really had been.
emotional upheavals.
optimism being built up and lost each day.
this is draining.
it's confirmed.
acl complete tear.
i am just thankful that it's only acl and not mcl and meniscus is going to recover on its own.
i am just thankful that through it all, i have my ever supportive family, moi, 5-yr-old, roomie, my ntu team mates, coaches and bear.
i am just thankful that they are here for me.
it's not easy.
it really isn't.
allow myself some down time.
but i don't want to wallow in self-pity.
sadness can and must be overcome.
there must come a day where i must be able to put down the thought that it's ok.
this two seasons don't matter to me thou it means almost everything that i had been working for for the past-i-don't-know-how-long.
knowing that i can't be back for ivp is really a blow.
a big big blow.
dear knee, why?
why now?
i don't wanna ask why me?
i am ready to take all these.
but why? why now?
我很累。
真的很累。
乐观得累了。
坚强得累了。
假装无所谓得累了。
但，我更讨厌自我可怜的自己。
所以我要用最多的力量重新爬起来。
这真是我整个篮球生涯中最痛的一刻。
但，我庆幸在我的生命中，一切仍是美好的。
若我再次脆弱，请原谅我。
给我多点时间。
因为，这次真的跌得很重，很痛。
][.10.fe.15.][
][.哭累了就睡.][
Monday, September 19, 2011
][.Guardian angels?.][
][.Guardian angels?.][
世界是美好的。
就算现在的心情不是最美好的。
但，世界仍是美好的。
我的乐观只是短暂的。
医生的一句"Suspected acl and mcl tear" 就足以让整个心跌进无底深渊。
做了MRI。
明天将知道成绩。
每当气愤，难过，伤心时，
老天总会提醒我，
身旁仍有很多人关心自己，陪伴自己。
这几天也感受到陌生人的温情。
让位给我的女生。
在摇晃的地铁中扶我一把，问候我的女士。
在巴士上看见我流泪而给我一包纸巾的女生。
每当想不通时，难过时，老天总会让这些陌生人提醒自己-- 生命仍是美好的。
感谢一群陪伴我左右的朋友。
你们的帮助和存在让我安心。
感谢家人从不责怪，耐心的相伴。
感谢尽在不言中。
每天的心情都像坐过山车。
我最不喜欢。
但一定不会有事。。
][.10.fe.15.][
][.学会坚强是我现在唯一能做的.][
世界是美好的。
就算现在的心情不是最美好的。
但，世界仍是美好的。
我的乐观只是短暂的。
医生的一句"Suspected acl and mcl tear" 就足以让整个心跌进无底深渊。
做了MRI。
明天将知道成绩。
每当气愤，难过，伤心时，
老天总会提醒我，
身旁仍有很多人关心自己，陪伴自己。
这几天也感受到陌生人的温情。
让位给我的女生。
在摇晃的地铁中扶我一把，问候我的女士。
在巴士上看见我流泪而给我一包纸巾的女生。
每当想不通时，难过时，老天总会让这些陌生人提醒自己-- 生命仍是美好的。
感谢一群陪伴我左右的朋友。
你们的帮助和存在让我安心。
感谢家人从不责怪，耐心的相伴。
感谢尽在不言中。
每天的心情都像坐过山车。
我最不喜欢。
但一定不会有事。。
][.10.fe.15.][
][.学会坚强是我现在唯一能做的.][
Sunday, September 18, 2011
][.Optimistic.][
][.Optimistic.][
first time that i truly feel optimistic after so many days.
(the rest were just faked optimism =P)
woke up feeling that knee is good and bendable.
thank you lao tian ye!
nonetheless, still going for the doc consultation later.
hoping that everything will be good.
*crosses finger*
take gd care every1!
hopefully my next post will be with loads of =D
bye~
][.10.fe.15.][
first time that i truly feel optimistic after so many days.
(the rest were just faked optimism =P)
woke up feeling that knee is good and bendable.
thank you lao tian ye!
nonetheless, still going for the doc consultation later.
hoping that everything will be good.
*crosses finger*
take gd care every1!
hopefully my next post will be with loads of =D
bye~
][.10.fe.15.][
][.夜晚是最脆弱的时刻.][
][.夜晚是最脆弱的时刻.][
又到了夜晚。
到了最软弱的时刻。
今天忙了一整天。
让自己不去想。
明天将看医生。
negative thoughts please deplete yourself.
down moments please get out of my life.
i hate living in such self-pity moments.
i hate tearing at the thought of it.
i hate such a weak me.
i need to be zen.
i need to really smile.
i need to really be ok.
i need to be able to be more than ok.
i need to stop all these.
ps. thanks to all that had been here through these days. <3
][.10.fe.15.][
][.mood swings.][
又到了夜晚。
到了最软弱的时刻。
今天忙了一整天。
让自己不去想。
明天将看医生。
negative thoughts please deplete yourself.
down moments please get out of my life.
i hate living in such self-pity moments.
i hate tearing at the thought of it.
i hate such a weak me.
i need to be zen.
i need to really smile.
i need to really be ok.
i need to be able to be more than ok.
i need to stop all these.
ps. thanks to all that had been here through these days. <3
][.10.fe.15.][
][.mood swings.][
Saturday, September 17, 2011
][.Leg Spoil,Brain Spoil, Heart Spoil.][
][.Leg Spoil,Brain Spoil, Heart Spoil.][
快疯了。
心碎最痛，这就好像胫骨断裂，没有人看得到，但每次呼吸都会痛 。
每刻一静下就会想哭。
每刻一想起就想哭。
哭到心碎了，累了就去睡。
讨厌如此软弱的自己。
但，真的很怕，很心碎。
不能不去想。
只希望。。。
][.10.fe.15.][
][.pain maximum.][
快疯了。
心碎最痛，这就好像胫骨断裂，没有人看得到，但每次呼吸都会痛 。
每刻一静下就会想哭。
每刻一想起就想哭。
哭到心碎了，累了就去睡。
讨厌如此软弱的自己。
但，真的很怕，很心碎。
不能不去想。
只希望。。。
][.10.fe.15.][
][.pain maximum.][
Thursday, September 15, 2011
][.Give me some time.][
][.Give me some time.][
hey bloggy! i should not be here at this hour.
i should be studying for my quiz.
but there's nowhere else that i can think of expressing how i feel.
it's been so long so long since i feel so pain.
it's been so long so long since i feel so helpless and speechless.
it feels so bad that i just wish to go on a trip alone for the next few days.
all by myself.
injured my knee and ankle.
good news amidst everything = knee is ok apart from acl n lcl strain.
but the flexibility is not there.
friends who truly care is helping me max.
and i call these my true friends who knock senses into me at this pt of time.
they are trying their best to convince me not to play.
i am absolutely thankful for my team mates.
really really thankful.
i understand tt i should not be stubborn.
i understand tt if i wasn't in my shoes, i will definitely do all i can to stop tt team mate from playing too.
but now here i am.
the person in these shoes.
these f-ing shoes.
if i disappear for these 2days or so, don't worry.
i just need some time alone.
sorry to cost you all so much worry and headache.
just give me sometime alright?
some time without thinking about all these.
all i ask for is some time to let me heal.
let me heal emotionally and physically.
meanwhile, let's go team! go get it down! =]
][.10.fe.15.][
][.away.][
Monday, September 05, 2011
][.Cherish.][
][.Cherish.][
hello bloggy!
everything is going on well.
kinda lazy to blog cz every moment the nua-er just want to nua and rest.
season is starting in a week.
looking forward to it.
and will do everything within my abilities to help the team get it!
been a while since i feel this flame in me.
last 2 seasons in ntu.
6 seasons had passed.
to me, this team is like a precious baby.
we started off with nothing and became something.
we been through all the shit and fought through all the seasons to get where we are today.
it had not been easy. it really hasn't.
only people who had been through all the shits understands it.
so i won't allow anyone to destroy it.
in short, ntu basketball is my greatest achievement and joy in NTU.
and i truly cherish the team. <3
if you truly cherish something,
you would do everything you can for it.
and not otherwise.
let's go nan da!
we can and we will do it!
take gd care every1!
bye~
][.10.fe.15.][
][.fight hard!.][
hello bloggy!
everything is going on well.
kinda lazy to blog cz every moment the nua-er just want to nua and rest.
season is starting in a week.
looking forward to it.
and will do everything within my abilities to help the team get it!
been a while since i feel this flame in me.
last 2 seasons in ntu.
6 seasons had passed.
to me, this team is like a precious baby.
we started off with nothing and became something.
we been through all the shit and fought through all the seasons to get where we are today.
it had not been easy. it really hasn't.
only people who had been through all the shits understands it.
so i won't allow anyone to destroy it.
in short, ntu basketball is my greatest achievement and joy in NTU.
and i truly cherish the team. <3
if you truly cherish something,
you would do everything you can for it.
and not otherwise.
let's go nan da!
we can and we will do it!
take gd care every1!
bye~
][.10.fe.15.][
][.fight hard!.][
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