][.min. pt curve.i m at my min pt now.][

][.min. pt curve.i m at my min pt now.][

now its 1:15am mon morning..1/5/2006..
i shuld be sleeping..
but i can't..

qian xi vs alj.k jus now..
we lost..but i m thankful for this team too..
can't help crying..
esp when i heard "i can't believe this"..
it realli shocks mi to see that..

tears started rolling down at that moment..
hard work realli dun pay off..
u can work so hard while others rest..
but in e end..
everything doesn't matter..

e mood was kind of liven by e cindy coach whole body cramp incident..
was realli funny..
was feeling much better after that..
den stone dere wif ah sam n tok abt 10 yrs down e road..
while we looked at cindy n lingqin..

anyway be4 i cont..i mus say..thanks alj.k..its been my happiest time to be in this team during this period of time..

alright cont..

was toking abt u18..
den after that this n that..
den lingqin jiao lian suddenly ask mi sumthing..
i was kind of calm..
she told that she felt that i shuld..
n i told her..thanks..thats realli enff with her tinking like that..

after that we took our medals..
take 1 or 2 pics onli..
n went for dinner..
i took wif lqjl our no15..i hope moi will send mi e pics soon..
den dinner time..

everything was back to normal till cindy coach break that news to mi..
i held my tears back..
tried to cont e conversation..
acting calm n all..
n suddenly tears started rolling down..
n den splash..like water fall..
esp when coach told mi she wan to help mi ask why..
i told coach.."jin nian yi ding yao chu dui"..
she promise she will as long as we find enff player..

after that we left for hm..
can't control myself..
such a weakling man mi..

its jus over whelming for mi..
its been a tiring n hard yr..
getting kick out of u18..
playing as a bench player in vj n getting scolded by coach every now n den..
not getting selected for cst red..

once..twice..thrice..
how many times mus i fall..
told myself maybe i jus suxz..
but can't get over it so easily..

feeling negative..fatalistic..
i m jus not gd enff..
i told myself that..
but fungi say..its not that u r not gd..but its jus that they are better..

hmm den i tink of it..yesh its quite true..but why..why do i lose to popeye's wife..
i realli can't understand..
m i being egoist..
maybe i m..

den qingzi jie say..
maybe this is my min pt of a curve graph..
after this min pt..i will curve upwards again ?..
n a gd player..a winner shuld not give up..
but instead hang on..

so i decided to find players for e team..
buddy is also trying hard wif mi..
but moi say i a bit stubborn..
hmm maybe i m..

i also dunno wad i wan..
i jus dun wan to give up without a fight..
jus wanna thank buddy for trying so hard with mi..
wanna thank qingzi jie for her encouragments..
wanna thank fungi..
wanna thank moi..
wanna thank van..
wanna thank auntie joy for taking e risk wif mi..
wanna thank lingqin jiao lian..
wanna thank coach cindy..
wanna thank my family for being so understanding..

maybe i shuld end here le..take gd care evey1 ! byee..maybe u jus wun get wad u wan ba..its fate..

..bruised n battered..
..dazed n shattered..
..now it hurts..

thanks npo..thanks..*all-out attitude*..wo zhen de jing li le..zhi shi..wo ye wu neng wei li le..dan xie xie ni gie wo de keng ding..its a kind of comfort to noe that u do believe in mi..

][.FEarless.][
][.<3 alj.k.][
][.guardian angel.][
][.give mi e courage n faith to fight on.][
][.15.][