][.Adaptation.][

][.Adaptation.][

Hello bloggy,

How are you?
No worries, you ain't forgotten!
Once in a while, I will be back to type down some thoughts =]

In 6 hours, I will be travelling back to camp.
This whole weekend is filled with work too.
Tiring?
Very Much.
When we say goodbye to our cohort mates, we say..
Bye & See you in 12hours.
I see them more than my family.
Choices and sacrifices!
Part and parcels of life.

Most importantly,
I am enjoying what i am doing.
n tt's what matters most. =]

and I learnt..
It takes much more efforts to keep in touch w your friends when you start working.
I am not taking enough yet. Guilty of it.
To all my friends out there,
you ain't forgotten!
Sorry if i'm M.I.A.
Just drop me a msg ok!
I will reply once i have access to my hp =]

take gd care every1!
bye! =]

][.10.fe.15.][
][.thanks for understanding.][

][.sraet.][

hello bloggy!

if you know me well enough, you will be able to understand today's post title.
it is hurting.
tt dream was so vivid tt i almost woke up in tears.
i had been in tears every moment tt i can be alone n think about it.
it will haunt me for life.
one day, i will look back and ask myself once again, why am I making this decision?
who would have thought tt this day will come?

tml will be the first time tt i officially break e news.
i know, i no longer matter.
but those moments of craving to be back in tt no. 10 jersey.
those moments where you held me by e court and gave me e faith to play.
those moments which you encouraged me and pushed me on to believe in myself.
those moments when you grabbed me from the bench and pushed me on to a sub.
those were the moments.
with the torn in my knee.
all these moments are gone.
and i will be gone.
gone from a team tt i nv thought i will leave, till i won a champion for you.
damm those moments.
it brings so much pain to me now.

damm it.

take gd care every1! =]

][.10.fe.15.][
][.niap.][

][.disappointment.][

hello bloggy! sorry that i had been blogging lesser nowadays. not tt i have nth to share, but rather, sometimes i'm just too lazy to put them down into words. tonight, i met some friends and thought about what happened since knee incident. i am blessed and i truly see somethings differently. there is really more to life than just basketball. i had always wanted to go back and play so much. but there is no longer a reason for me to go back. don't worry, i still love the game. i still enjoying playing. i may still go back to the game but for now, i know i won't go back to a certain place. i won't go back to a certain person. one tt i used to respect so. i believe in effort and time. these are the most precious things tt you can give someone. cz, these are part of your life, esp time. however, as i recall and reminisces i see e time n effort from some and i see the lack of it from ppl tt i tot should care more. maybe it's my expectation. but for me, maybe i am glad tt you din, for at least i can say.. thanks & bye. you taught me so much. you used to lift me from my darkest moments. but in this darkest moment, you left me behind. for someone who left me behind, i won't chase and ask you to place me in your sight again. i did nth wrong to deserve this treatment and i finally saw what i am to you. i was just a pawn in the chess set tt can be left behind once it's useless. this is the cruelty. i understand and i won't deny anymore. i am gg back on my promise to fight for you. cz, it's not worth the fight. you were. but now... you ain't worth it, anymore. take gd care every1! sorry if i sounded offensive. it's just some boil up thoughts. always rmb this, if someone treats you as an option, don't treat them as an priority. jiayou!! =] ][.10.fe.15.][

][.cycling alone.][

someone once asked me, you can always cycle in Singapore, why do you always wish to schedule some cycling time when you are overseas? i smiled. perhaps, i really enjoy cycling cause since my op, cycling is the fastest way tt i can bring myself around. (thou i still cycle v slow) but i love it. i love being on e bike cz its just like running. at tt moment, you are all on your own =] i need some cycling alone time. once in a while, i love these moments alone. clocking targets alone. satisfaction, n time to clear ur thoughts. cause when you are alone, you can be yourself. you can say "shut up! i am leading my life the way i want and don't come and mess with me!" i am not a "yes woman". i have loads of weird principles tt some may not agree and i choose not to say at times. there are things tt i detest n i just can't help it. yet at e same time, i und tt i cannot put my definition of perfections upon others. hence, my silence. hence, my smile beneath e sian-ness. cz one of my principles = not to force your opinions upon others. but at times, i just wanna say, it's my life. =] ok bloggy. ultra tired. no idea what i ranting le. just wanna go cycling real soon =]] take gd care every1! =]] ][.10.fe.15.][ ][.zzz.][

][.life.][

hello bloggy! i am back! sorry that i had not been posting for the past months. been really caught up with exams and tiredness. even till today, still v much tired. =] life had been good. scored the highest i can ever expect for my final semester -- 4.7. thankful. that's all i can say. thou i am still a second lower but no regrets. i don't believe in blaming basketball and the commitments that i had. for, those were the time of my life. life had been good. back from two grad trips and gosh i am really exhausted. taiwan was food n food n sight seeing <3 thailand was shopping n massage n shopping! haha life had been good. i had cleared both interviews and received the call for the post. thou there are still medical check ups and job attachments to clear before i get the letter of acceptance, but still a 1st step is awesome. especially since it is something i love. i m thankful for things gg my way. i really am. =] life had been good. but there's this part in me that ain't feeling too good. i need to find back myself. i hate to feel down and there is no reason for me to be down. i just need to sort out my thoughts and emotions. if i can, i will perhaps grab my bike and cycle around for a day all alone. cause, i seem to had lost myself. this is not me. or at least, this is not the one that i want myself to be. i don't like all these selfish-ness and lack of energy to be bothered about things about me. i don't like these self-isolation (thou i am still v much interacting) i don't like myself for being so insecure and all. fe, pull your strings together and find what really makes you happy. take gd care every1! =] ][.10.fe.15.][ ][.get back on your feet.][

][.because, life is a journey.][

][.because, life is a journey.][

hello bloggy!
i'm back =]
a much normal me.

the past week had not be rational.
had not been easy.
had been slightly demoralizing.
tiring moments.
weak moments.
upsetting moments.
but all's good.
all's good.
be thankful for wad you have in life. =]
everything happens for a reason though at times you won't have an answer as to why.

will try my best to keep thoughts out of me and just focus on this very moment =]
有些事不是看到了希望才去坚持，而是坚持了才会看到希望。
坚持和希望都会让人很累，但放弃就是一切的结束和未来的遗憾？
what is it that i want?
i guess with the ongoing season and stagnant progress, i'm feeling the heat BUT it's ok. =] fe is ok.

a few more weeks to end of sem.
end of whole uni.
haha gosh. just how time flies.
started on job search.
clicking on 8 jobs and crossing my fingers.
what do i want in life?
i want something meaningful.
i want something more than a normal job.
i wanna be out there to change someone's life.
secretly hoping to be able to get prison warden (and hope my knee will not get in the way)
i want a job out of the ordinary but not teaching.
lao tian bao you me pls.
thank you much much. =]

and just some random thoughts over the week,
be thankful for those who make an effort to stay in your life and make e effort to stay in their life.
be thankful for those who cares for you from the bottom of their hearts.
it's really hard to maintain the bond as we fight against time and our lives.
it's really hard as we moved on and get busy.
to all those who makes the effort, xie xie ni men.
to all those who seems to have drifted, sorry that i did not do my best to maintain.

and to the one that have been suffering my downs and endless tantrums, thank you. <3


with more grad trips being booked, the excited-ness sets in. =D
less than 6 weeks to the trips!! =]]
T.T here i come!!

take gd care every1!
bye~~

][.10.fe.15.][
][.=].][

][.if.]]

][.if.][Hello bloggy! This is e first time i am blogging using my phone :) Hmmm loads of thoughts running through my mind. They need to run out of my mind and heart. I can't put e words down. But there's just so much. I can't or maybe rather i don't wanna talk about it cause i know e answers that each Will give me. This is taking a toil out of me. The route ahead seems so far. The people are moving fast ahead while i am stagnant. Am i ready for all these once again? Am i? So many factors so many questions. If i would to, i would wanna be there there and not just there there. If i would to, i wanna be on it. I won't be able to take a back seat for i would rather choose e other seat. For this, i gotta work harder. But am i ready? Are you ready my dearest knee? I know you are not. How much more must i do for you? A lot more right? Are you, am i, are we ready to go through it once more? Ok night everyone. Night. We Will be ok :) ][.10.Fe.15][][.strong.][

][.Wicked.][

][.Wicked.][

wickedly awesome!!
thanks loads to terry tho for getting the tics & planning it! =]
enjoyed myself throughout the 2hours plus.






went to shoot 120 shots be4 gym-ing.
felt really helpless when i stood rooted to the ground and can't jump.
as the balls enter the basket, for a moment, i let it fall.


it's so hard to press the "restart" button.
everything all over again.
from the scratch.
it was much easier to press the "enter" button back then.
but it's ok.
to be or not to be.
it's not the time to decide yet. =]

on a side note..
some thoughts on the back of my head.
if you don't agree with someone or what he/she is doing, will you tell him/her?
somehow all the things from the past is coming back to haunt me.
and i just decided to shut up. it's his/her life.
but somehow, shutting up is making me seem so superficial. so f-ing superficial.
发生过的事不能当作没发生。


][.10.fe.15.][
][.shut up, fe.][

][.beer.][

][.beer.][

hello bloggy.
all's good.

it's a humid night.
too much is going through my mind.
i need a beer.
and the only reason that's stopping me from opening the fridge to reach for one is..
i am on antibiotics.

communication exist daily between between and even within yourself.
tonight is just a night of self-communication that is beyond words.
it's overwhelming.

i need my beer.
rest well every1!
take gd care!
all's good. no worries.
night~

][.10.fe.15.][
][..][

][.Journey Alone.][

][.Journey Alone.][

Hello bloggy!
if a picture depicts a thousand words..this is my picture for these few days.



it had been a lonely journey.
many things had changed.
beyond words can describe.
i can't put it down into words.
it's really hard to say out how i feel but i am thankful for the shoulders and ears around me.
the world goes on no matter what happens.
there is only so much one person can do.
there is only such amount of strength within one.
but there is just no way that i can be responsible without being in it.
or rather, there is no need for me to be responsible cause no1 is indispensable.
every1 grows and it is awesome to see them grow.
at the same time, it marks the time for you to leave.
to leave something which you spent the past years building and investing everything in.
this is life.
i am just undergoing early graduation of leaving.
i can take it.
i really can.

for now, i will just be a spectator, cheer and departs.
on to a new journey of hope and happiness.
i had my fair share of happiness here.
it's time to move on and find my happiness in other things.


my new best friend - hydro belt and the pool.
loves the serenity of just the water and me and the sky.
the peaceful-ness of working quietly back into life.

thanks loads to 5-yr-old for standing by with the words and experience. for its the person who been through the same route understands it most.<3
要记得，每一人要走的路都不一样。现在你走的路凹凸不平，似乎感觉没人有那种了解或耐力，陪在你身边。 No one said life is a bed of roses. 但是，要有信心能过这一关; ‘山重水复疑无路，柳暗花明又一村’.

take gd care every1!
bye~

][.10.fe.15.][
][.goodbye.][

][.fe, stop it.][

][.fe, stop it.][

this is killing me from within.
every moment of convincing myself.
every moment of crying it all out.
i need to stop crying.
but i just can't.

it hurts so much that nothing apart from tears can express.
nothing.
there's really nothing that can make this pain lessen.
i don't wanna be down.
but i am quite certain i am in e deepest pit one can ever find.

every day, every moment of silence, every single thing that triggers it,
i would wonder why? why now?
why?
why?
why?
歇斯底里的痛哭。
这是第一次，没人能治愈这痛处。

how am i supposed to get through this?
how am i going to?

i feel so sorry towards all that had been here with me.
but this is beyond words.
every one has their own story.
and this story is too pain for me to bear.
i can withstand all the heartbreaks but this is more than that.
this is devastating.

][.10.fe.15.][
][.brace up.][

][.哭着睡着，哭着醒来.][

][.哭着睡着，哭着醒来.][

哭着睡着，哭着醒来。
哭，似乎成了唯一能减轻我的痛的方法。
但是越哭越痛。
我快哭疯了。
泪流不止。
心碎到极点。
在这样下去，我一定会疯。
我需要找会自己。
找回真正快乐的自己。

][.10.fe.15.][
][.快疯了.][

][.14/9/11 - 20/9/11.][

][.14/9/11 - 20/9/11.][

it had been a tough week.
it really had been.
emotional upheavals.
optimism being built up and lost each day.
this is draining.



it's confirmed.
acl complete tear.
i am just thankful that it's only acl and not mcl and meniscus is going to recover on its own.
i am just thankful that through it all, i have my ever supportive family, moi, 5-yr-old, roomie, my ntu team mates, coaches and bear.
i am just thankful that they are here for me.

it's not easy.
it really isn't.
allow myself some down time.
but i don't want to wallow in self-pity.
sadness can and must be overcome.
there must come a day where i must be able to put down the thought that it's ok.
this two seasons don't matter to me thou it means almost everything that i had been working for for the past-i-don't-know-how-long.

knowing that i can't be back for ivp is really a blow.
a big big blow.
dear knee, why?
why now?
i don't wanna ask why me?
i am ready to take all these.
but why? why now?
我很累。
真的很累。
乐观得累了。
坚强得累了。
假装无所谓得累了。
但，我更讨厌自我可怜的自己。
所以我要用最多的力量重新爬起来。
这真是我整个篮球生涯中最痛的一刻。
但，我庆幸在我的生命中，一切仍是美好的。
若我再次脆弱，请原谅我。
给我多点时间。
因为，这次真的跌得很重，很痛。

][.10.fe.15.][
][.哭累了就睡.][

][.Guardian angels?.][

][.Guardian angels?.][

世界是美好的。
就算现在的心情不是最美好的。
但，世界仍是美好的。

我的乐观只是短暂的。
医生的一句"Suspected acl and mcl tear" 就足以让整个心跌进无底深渊。
做了MRI。
明天将知道成绩。

每当气愤，难过，伤心时，
老天总会提醒我，
身旁仍有很多人关心自己，陪伴自己。

这几天也感受到陌生人的温情。
让位给我的女生。
在摇晃的地铁中扶我一把，问候我的女士。
在巴士上看见我流泪而给我一包纸巾的女生。
每当想不通时，难过时，老天总会让这些陌生人提醒自己-- 生命仍是美好的。

感谢一群陪伴我左右的朋友。
你们的帮助和存在让我安心。
感谢家人从不责怪，耐心的相伴。
感谢尽在不言中。

每天的心情都像坐过山车。
我最不喜欢。
但一定不会有事。。

][.10.fe.15.][
][.学会坚强是我现在唯一能做的.][

][.夜晚是最脆弱的时刻.][

][.夜晚是最脆弱的时刻.][

又到了夜晚。
到了最软弱的时刻。
今天忙了一整天。
让自己不去想。
明天将看医生。

negative thoughts please deplete yourself.
down moments please get out of my life.
i hate living in such self-pity moments.
i hate tearing at the thought of it.
i hate such a weak me.

i need to be zen.
i need to really smile.
i need to really be ok.
i need to be able to be more than ok.
i need to stop all these.

ps. thanks to all that had been here through these days. <3

][.10.fe.15.][
][.mood swings.][

][.Leg Spoil,Brain Spoil, Heart Spoil.][

][.Leg Spoil,Brain Spoil, Heart Spoil.][

快疯了。
心碎最痛，这就好像胫骨断裂，没有人看得到，但每次呼吸都会痛 。
每刻一静下就会想哭。
每刻一想起就想哭。
哭到心碎了，累了就去睡。
讨厌如此软弱的自己。
但，真的很怕，很心碎。
不能不去想。
只希望。。。

][.10.fe.15.][
][.pain maximum.][

][.Give me some time.][

][.Give me some time.][

hey bloggy! i should not be here at this hour.
i should be studying for my quiz.
but there's nowhere else that i can think of expressing how i feel.
it's been so long so long since i feel so pain.

it's been so long so long since i feel so helpless and speechless.
it feels so bad that i just wish to go on a trip alone for the next few days.
all by myself.

injured my knee and ankle.
good news amidst everything = knee is ok apart from acl n lcl strain.
but the flexibility is not there.
friends who truly care is helping me max.
and i call these my true friends who knock senses into me at this pt of time.
they are trying their best to convince me not to play.
i am absolutely thankful for my team mates.
really really thankful.

i understand tt i should not be stubborn.
i understand tt if i wasn't in my shoes, i will definitely do all i can to stop tt team mate from playing too.
but now here i am.
the person in these shoes.
these f-ing shoes.

if i disappear for these 2days or so, don't worry.
i just need some time alone.
sorry to cost you all so much worry and headache.

just give me sometime alright?
some time without thinking about all these.
all i ask for is some time to let me heal.
let me heal emotionally and physically.
meanwhile, let's go team! go get it down! =]

][.10.fe.15.][
][.away.][

][.Children and the world.][

][.Children and the world.][

dear bloggy..
on days such as today, i am really thankful for you give me a channel to pen (type) down my thoughts and rant non-stop.

firstly..let's talk about getting back to work!
waking up at 6plus am to get to start work at 830am and end at 530pm was something that was so familiar yet so distance away.
the last time i did this was 3yrs ago.

aw..yups! back to work.
i am now = teacher felicia.
haha got to work in childcare and will be working there for the next month.
it had always been my dream to have a childcare center!
but after today, i decided that i shall plunge to the society 1st and set that dream to be fulfilled at a older age. =]
job scope and things learnt today:
.check their temperature, any bites and all, change countless diapers, story telling, English lessons, feeding them and showering them.
haha gosh! e last time i changed a diapers was like 12 yrs ago?!
this is a training to be a gd mum man.
with all the kids hovering below you.
ok la! i guess i will love them so.
haha bless me with the strength to fight them all! =]

so that was the tiring 10plus hours.
took train down to ntu to train.
woke up at clementi n looked at my hp.
oh great.
i slept all the way to joo koon and took the same train back.
that shows how tired i was.
what's even better?
get to the court n only see 4 person.
so + me = 5!
wonderful.
awesome.
fabulous.
feel so sorry towards wanmei, xiao hei, baoxian and cynthia.
like seriously.
like damm bad.
priorities in life,
principles in life.
i can only account the attendance to it.
there's supposed to be 14ppl going for the trip.
n 5 turned up for trainings.
like super awesome?!
1st thing 1st..
basic no.1: if you can't make it, have the courtesy to inform.
basic no.2: if some1 sms you, have the courtesy to reply.
seriously i am speechless.
i am not angry.
but just gonna heck from now on.
like heck.
i really love my team.
but on days such as these, i really wanna say thanks.bye.

ok enough of rantings.
thanks bloggy for being here!

ok! take gd care every1!
gonna go slp now to face e kids tml.
nitez!

][.10.fe.15.][
][.Respect.][

][.Power of Overseas.][

][.Power of Overseas.][

had a good sleep.
and a good chat with fungi.
the power of overseas. haha jk.

many times,
there are things that you know.
but there are also things that you know is not possible.
somehow, i hope that every friendship can be as platonic as fnq and me.
and i sincerely hope that it's only me thinking too much.
cause, i really don't like this feeling.
really don't.
当局者迷 ，旁观者清.
this is not true always.
cz..many times, the person in the situation knows best.

haha alright.
just some random rantings.
take gd care every1!
bye~~

][.10.fe.15.][
][.我不想.][

][.oh wells!.][

][.oh wells!.][

it's another semester.
another oh wells, agrh sem!
it's like you can't cry cz what u expect worst din get worst.
but u can't smile cz what u expect well din made it.
it's jus tt kind of feeling.
but oh wells.
jus focus on the season.
get the champs!
n i will give my best to studies.
no longer a average student.
promise.

ok la! shan't tink too much abt it le.
take gd care every1!
n IVP!
HERE WE COME!!
ONE GAME AT A TIME!
WE WILL GET THERE!
HEAR IT?! =]

][.10.fe.15.][
][.COME ON!.][